I'll melt away in the summer air

My high school career flashed before my eyes...

...for better or worse.

The last stint of high school was absolutely awful. I was cut loose of all ties to one of my really good friends. It caught me by surprise and lets just say i didn't deal with it too well... Looking back on it 6 months later I realize that it was for the best. I fell into a routine where all i did was focus myself on one person. I secluded myself from pretty much everyone else and i dearly regret that. If i could go back in time i would have made this change much sooner, but i was just too stubborn to realize what i was actually doing to myself. I missed out on times that I'll never be able to get back. And that sucks, but it's my own god damn fault. The only thing that sucks worse than that is continuing to be out of touch with my friend (I guess I can't call her that). I can't say i don't miss her from time to time. I guess everything has its own price though.

Without this bump in my life, I wouldn't have had the summer that i did. I got reconnected with a lot of my friends in high school and even some old friends from back in middle school who I hadn't seen in over four years. It was nice to be to be having fun with other people for once. It didn't last for too long though.

My friend Seth from a local band called Us Against The Archers (www.myspace.com/usagainstthearchers <==Check them out. They Rock!) invited me out on the Vans Warped Tour for the summer on his record label called Topshelf Records (http://www.topshelfrecords.org). This was probably one of the best decisions i made in my life. I jumped into it pretty blindly not knowing what i was getting myself into. I showed up to meet with three dudes i had never seen in my life. Kevin (co-owner of topshelf records with Seth), Jim (Use to play in a band called The Homefront), and Andy (owner of rentgreenvans.com and drummer for a band called Defeater). Three pretty rad dudes that I'm really happy I met. Warped tour was flat out the best overall experience I've ever had. I met so many people. so many.... you don't even know. I got to see a ton of bands that i grew up listening to, bands that have shaped me to be who i am today, every day. There isn't anything better than that. but there is. I wasn't aware that there were HUGE bbq's at the end of almost every day where all the bands and crew hung out. Not only was i seeing the bands i loved, i was mingling. That was awesome. I learned to not be ashamed to live in a van for three months straight, to shower in misting units and hoses in parking lots, or to shower using only baby wipes, or not shower for 4 days. I learned how to get tanned, as well as getting sun poisoning. Bananas and peanut butter wheat sandwiches are freakin epic and don't let anyone tel you different. i miss the days where i would sleep on top of a van under the sweet California sky and wake up to "underneath it all" by No Doubt BLARING over the line arrays in the morning. I miss waking up, brushing my teeth with bottled water, taking a shit in a portapotty (called honey buckets in some places :D ), loading my backpack with CD's, and making a complete ass out of myself with I <3 SLUTS stickers plastered all over my body. I miss hustling little kids for their money :)I truly miss the car rides with Jim and Kevin. probably More than anything else.

The only bad thing about warped tour happened in Butte, Montana. 6 people in our van, only one was awake. It wasn't our driver... Our driver fell asleep at the wheel at about 60-70 mph and we headed into the median between both roads. bumps in the median finally woke our driver who then try to correct himself back onto the road and ended up jerking the wheel. The jerk of the wheel turned the van sideways and then caused the van to roll. Three times... I woke up in mid-air. tumbling. All 6 of us flipped in the van three times. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. On top of all this, only one of us was wearing a seat belt. We all walked away from the wreck with minor injuries. Me and a wicked rad chick named Heather got taken to a hospital as a precaution but nothing too serious.



I'm happy to be alive. The car crash made me realize all the things that i take for granted in life and really opened my eyes to life. It sucked. but I'm thankful to have a better outlook on life.

Tour ended way too early but it was nice to be home for once. Being reunited with friends was really nice. really, really nice. I miss summer :(

I'm currently going to school at UMass Amherst and it's pretty cool. Those of you who know me know that I'm not a studious person. I'm actually doing work though( Do Work!). It's kind of weird actually. I've written more ten page papers than i ever thought i would. My good friend Charlie stated it simply, "We went from writing 2 essays a year to two essays a week". that pretty much sums it up. It's a change of pace but it's good. I actually enjoy some of what I'm doing. I still have a problem with "school" though. A lack of motivation i guess. One thing that sucks a lot is not being able to do anything with my clothing line while I'm at school. If you don't know of it yet, please check it out at www.paradoxapparel.com and I'll love you forever.

I've miraculously made some time for the line lately though. I'm hoping to release it tentatively on January first, 2009. I think i can make it happen. I just put in a HUGE order to American apparel and can't wait for the eight boxes to arrive :D I'll be putting out FOUR new tee shirts ( one girly fitted), reprints of my old designs, an alternative to an old design, cute GIRLS UNDERWEAR, new buttons, and probably tote bags :) It should be pretty awesome (crosses fingers).

Thanksgiving just passed and it was really nice to see all my family together again. It doesn't get to happen as much anymore with everyone out doing their own thing. Next is Christmas i guess. I go back to school for a week, have a study week, take my finals, then I'm home for the holidays :D I can't wait to see people over Christmas break. I'll be home for over a month and things won't be as hectic as they are around thanksgiving. Plus i haven't seen some people i really miss since the end of summer. It'll be a nice little reunion. This is also the time i plan to slave away making the new Paradox line in my basement :) I slave away rocking out all day. It's not too bad though. I enjoy doing it and hopefully others do too.

So that's me currently. Content. I'll post some mock-ups of my new line soon for those of you who haven't seen them. Peace.